Lost Love Letter to My Mama

Mother’s Day may be around the corner. But this letter for my Mama is way overdue – after 30 days of worldly existence, 20 years of puberty & almost 7 years of motherhood – I finally am at the point where I really and wholeheartedly appreciate my Mama for all the efforts and sacrifices she has done. I have to, and hate at the same time, admit that I’ve never had a smooth relationship with her. I’ve always been envious of girl friends that’ve such close ties with their moms. My Mama and I have grown apart as she continues to nag at me. I’ve distanced myself by my silent rebellion, drowned out my “daughter-hood” in self-inflicted drama and anger. Music and a few close-knit friends filled up the motherly love I felt I was denied.

But the kind of distance we now have is geographical in nature, and it is quite novel & exhilarating for me. It has probably taken its toll on me, as the saying goes, “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” This is my first time ever to be so far away from them, from my hometown. It also holds true what is said that you only appreciate something fully when they’re gone… but for my case, when they’re out of grasp. 

So, here is a list I will be forever grateful to my Mama for:

• Thank you for waking up early to prepare us for school; for that warm Milo or milk that sometimes we intentionally forget to drink; for running after jeepneys to get us seats; for bringing us our newly cooked lunch, despite the scorching midday sun; for staying by the window to write down our assignments in case we missed it.
• Thank you for waking up early to tidy up the house; for doing the dishes and laundry; for ironing the clothes with the old-fashioned coal-iron.
• Thank you for training us to do our own laundry; for training us to do some of the household chores.
• Thank you for always being there during our recognition and graduation days, especially during the ones where we get to be on stage and you pin our medals and ribbons to our lovely dresses; for dressing up for the occasion, showing up as the most proud and beautiful Mama.
• Thank you for fixing the family’s breakfast, lunch and dinner, around the small budgets you can afford.
• Thank you for scolding us and for strictly implementing afternoon naps; for looking out for us if we’ve gone out to play for a long time; for calling us out to be home by 6 PM.
• Thank you for sending us to the manghihilot (native healers) when we are weakened by fever, colds and cough and we regain strength the day after the hilot.
• I remember the first tooth extraction and vaccination when I was maybe 6 or 7 years old, and you were boasting how courageous I was because I didn’t cry, not even wince. Thank you for that morale booster and for the ice cream treats thereafter.
• Thank you for tutoring me all throughout elementary.
• Thank you for practicing with me the very first poem I had to memorize for my Kinder 1 Recognition presentation. I have forgotten the poem but I could never forget the evening you asked me to rehearse it with you.
• Thank you for giving me birthday parties, complete with balloons, cake and ice cream, even though I know we really don’t have extra for such.
• Thank you for my 16^th birthday gift – the acoustic guitar. The one I asked for and you declined only to give it as a surprise.
• Thank you for giving small advices on raising my kids, the ones that science and medicine cannot heal.

But most of all, thank you for keeping the family together, even if you were not acknowledged. I’m sorry we run short of your expectations but I hope you know that you’ve brought us up good. You have a weird way of showing your love but we’ve all been considered weird by somebody. I now realize that you only kept nagging because you wanted us to perform and to encourage us to be good at what we want to be… One thing a mother is best at.

Mama with some of her apos and me and Jollibee

For The Future of Earth dwellers

In this foreign place where I now reside, I don’t think I had an extreme culture shock that anybody else may have experienced, or may think that I may experience. Maybe because Dubai is an open city and Satwa (my current home) seemed like “mini Pinas” where almost every person you meet is a Filipino. Although there are a few things that had me gawk, for instance, the abaya-dressed women while taking a swim at the beach and the way most men look at women (like they could just tear off your clothes by simply staring at you). But we get used to it. Although there’s one daily occurrence - especially during summer! Oh gosh! – which I will never adapt to: the olfactory experience in a public transport. Shesh!

Aside from that ‘olfactory experience’ in a public transport, on a normal day at the train station, I get my usual dose of high blood pressure. This is no joke, and it’s got nothing to do with the smell or any of the other five senses but more of people’s interaction with one another, regardless of the nationality or gender. And it’s not nice. It’s not nice to push or shout to another just so you could get onto the train first, or to be frowned upon because you’re old or because you have to drag your kids.

In a world of challenged norms and character, I wish we remain rooted to the positive side of our human nature. Not to push but to give way. Not to shout but to teach. Not to grab but to share. Not to glare but to be aware. Not to frown but to smile. Not to overpower but to build strength. Not to take over but to lead.

There’s always a good way, the right way, to make ends meet. To look into a brightly colored lens is to see the world in a happy place. Let the good vibes roll; pass on what’s beautiful and worthy. Pass on the ideas and teachings that value humanity to our kids. The future habitants of our world learn by what they see, so let us practice what we preach.

I end this with a quote I read somewhere, but unable to remember and give credit to the writer: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I do not wish to sound like Mother Theresa, more so think that I live a very moral life. I just wish the world would be a better place if we be more kind to one another.

Jumeirah Beach Residences, Dubai; Aug 2013